The kids have something called Friendship Club on Saturdays, where they go to a local church and sing some songs, pray, and have a message. About 20 or 30 kids from the community come, in addition to our kids. Normally when I go, I might be asked to share a little something—a short word, a song, a game, a memory verse, etc. But a couple of weeks ago when I showed up, the woman in charge basically asked me to run the show.
I’m happy to pitch in, but I’m not in charge, and I’m also not expected to be there. I don’t make it every Saturday because sometimes I have other things going on, and I never tell anyone in advance whether I’ll be there or not, since I’m not actually required to be there. So to show up and be asked, “Do you have a message to preach to them? Ok now can you ask them questions about the story? Ok now do you have a game for them? Now do you have a memory verse for them? Now do you have a song to teach them?”
My initial reaction? “What did YOU have planned today? Did you not plan anything? What kind of quality teaching are these kids getting if you show up without anything planned to teach them or lead them in? You can’t just expect me to show up and run the show without any advanced notice!!”
But I talked with a few of the other missionaries here, initially just venting, then learning about what was really going on. While my initial reaction is that the woman was unprepared and was very lazily putting the whole program on my shoulders with no advanced notice, the actual situation was the complete opposite.
First of all, Africans seem to have this ability to “wing it.” At any given time, someone can give a sermon, lead people in worship songs, etc. At staff devotions, people fill in for these things all the time. To the Westerner, we feel we would need several days to prepare a thought-out sermon, whereas here, it’s just sharing what God’s teaching you.
Secondly, talking about the instance at Friendship Club with our short-term coordinator here helped me to see that involving me in the program was probably this woman’s way of honoring me as a guest. Guests are a big deal here, and it’s important to make them feel honored and welcomed. She probably assumed that if I was there, it meant that I wanted to participate (not that I don’t—I just don’t have the “wing it” gene in me), and to leave me out would be rude. Moreover, if I had refused to participate, that would have also been rude because I was rejecting her attempt to honor me.
So I’m learning how to grow wings. Not in the metaphorical sense of “flying away,” but of growing wings to learn how to “wing it.” It’s teaching me to think more about what God is doing in my life, what he is teaching me, what he is laying on my heart, and being able to talk about it at any given time. Or to just come to any event with a pocket full of mini-sermons, songs, games, memory verses, etc. so that I’m prepared! :)
This experience also reminded me how important it is to learn everything you can about different situations when working cross-culturally, especially when it’s something you have a negative initial reaction too. I was at first offended and was convinced that this woman was not doing her part with the kids. The reality of the situation, though, is that she was attempting to make me feel honored and like an important part of the team. If I had just left it at frustration and not asked questions, I never would have arrived at understanding, and I also would have offended her.
What an important reminder of how to handle frustrations here… but isn’t it also a good reminder of how to handle situations even when I’m not working cross-culturally? It’s one thing when you’re in another country to remember “I’m in another culture. Things will happen differently than I assume is normal. I should ask questions and learn everything I can.” We don’t have this mindset when we’re working within our own cultural context, but how many times to we have frustrations over misunderstandings? Why can’t we take on this attitude no matter what culture we’re working in? “I should find out as much information before jumping to conclusions.” I hope I can take this attitude back to the States with me!
